The Invisible Hand Just Slapped Us All. Are We Awake Yet?
Oh yeah. It’s cool. My government owns a great big company, an unimaginably huge company called AIG. All over the world the socialist governments that we have scorned (France, Venezuela, heck – Cuba!) are laughing. Hard. Because this is the kind of socialism the US offers: socialism for investors. We don’t bother using our grand wealth to pay for things like six weeks of vacation. That would be such a waste!! We’d rather work ourselves to the bone and give the money away to people who made bad investments: on houses, on hedge funds, on way-swapped out bad credit not worth the paper. We’d rather sweat and toil in factories for rotten “minimum-wage” jobs and then die slow deaths from diseases that are not covered by insurance. We know how to live the life! The great Puritan ethic of hard-work will never die!
Unless, of course, you are an investment banker still collecting your massive bonus from last year. The one you get even though your company went down in flames. Because everyone knows, ever American at least, people with money deserve more money, much more than people who’ve never had any. Yay!
Is it unpatriotic of me to question these actions? We could’ve paid for so many productive helpful programs and improved the quality of life for so many with $700 billion. Has anyone asked how much we would’ve SAVED if we’d just had a government program to subsidize home ownership for low-to-medium income families in the first place?!?!
This country has been divided for too long between intransigent, ideology-driven parties that 
don’t ever even look at our country’s fundamental flaws. Isn’t anyone ready to have a real conversation about better models? Or are we still going to perpetuate the lie that pure capitalism trumps all.
There’s no name for a party I’d love, but it would enjoy all the freedoms of Libertarians and all the peace-inducing, care-taking of Socialists.
Surviving the Economic Downturn: A Guide
Many website offer advice for keeping your finances above water in these times of great turmoil. Duh pookie is much too practical for that. Here is some “real-world” advice that should help to steer you through the times of great distress:
- Buy guns. Any kind will do, even plastic! We all know the criminals shoot better than we do, so a bluff might be the best bet.
- Store the guns in an underground bunker in that piece of property you’ve been meaning to buy outside of Bakersfield. This will be your safe-house, er, safe-yard, er, safe-dirt patch.
- Surround the dirt patch with heavy-gauge barbed wire, preferably razor-style. Make sure the opening to the bunker lies INSIDE of the fenced area!!
- If you are going to be a survivalist, do it in style. Be sexy like this lady >>>>
Everyone knows cleavage is the key to survival. If you are a dude, where a codpiece at all times. Family jewels and all! Not called that fer nuthin! - Whatever you do, don’t forget about food and gatorade. Cannibalism MUST be your last resort.
Once you have followed these steps to shore up your personal stability, you will be well on the way to riding out the doom and gloom of crashing financial markets. Stocks and dollars are just paper after all. It’s guns and ammo that separate the survivors from the turkey necks!! Good luck, Commando!!
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